31 weeks...almost

I've got about 9 weeks to go before this baby makes his/her appearance. Part of me hopes that the weeks fly by & another part of me wants the summer to go slow so I can enjoy these last few weeks of being mama to one sweet child. It's going to be so strange to be a mom of two!

This week has been a little rough. I found out last week that I have gestational diabetes. It sucks...big time! I met with a dietitian and have been on the gd "diet" for almost a week. I'm also testing my blood 4 times a day. It's not pleasant, but it's tolerable. The diet isn't too bad. At least that is what I keep telling myself. The reality is that I'm craving a big hunk of chocolate cake and the thought of not being able to indulge has literally brought me to tears several times. I was doing really good the whole week but tonight I had a mini breakdown. It's just really overwhelming. I feel silly for even complaining about a stupid piece of cake but what pregnant women doesn't have the need to indulge now & then. It's rather pathetic how much I've been thinking about sweets! I'm not a glutton or fast food junkie but I do enjoy a good carb loaded meal. I feel like my day revolves around counting carbs, meal times, snack times, exercising and testing my blood. I'm less than a week in & I'm so sick of eggs, nuts & peanut butter. I was in such a piss poor mood today. Sydney was driving me up the wall. She was into everything. I was trying to cook one of my diet plan dinners and she was pulling things off the counter, getting into the cupboards, pouring goldfish crackers on the floor, pulling up the area rugs, clinging to my legs and demanding I dance with her to the ABCs. I was trying my best to give her attention and cook but in the end I ended up with a whiny child, burnt asparagus & half raw chicken. I was so hungry and I seriously wanted to scream. I figured I'd eat what I could salvage and take Sydney around the block on her bike. Half way into the ride she wanted to walk and resisted holding my hand. We don't have sidewalks here so I had to fight to hold her hand & push the bike home in the middle of the damn street. Then when I got home I found that the dog had broken through the dog gate, pooped in the bathroom and got into the trash. I was seriously going to lose it. I put Syd to bed without a bath or brushing her teeth and I'm trying to take some deep breaths despite the fact that I can hear her yelling for me from her crib. I need her to go to bed so I can have a good cry & eat my sugar free pudding in peace. Arghhhhhh. Some days are just harder than others. Especially when you know that two babies and a husband are depending on you but all you want to do is run away to a quiet place and eat cake all alone.